Avoiding the 'bush" at all costs

You've heard of beating around the bush, this idea takes it one step further. Let me preface this thread by heading some of you off at the pass. I know you well enough by now to anticipate the responses that will be forthcoming, so I'll stop you before you start. This is not an attempt to ridicule anybody's lifestyle or choice of how to raise their families. It WILL focus on some of the attempts to avoid confronting the REAL problem head on and to focus rather on some of the outcomes that these lifestyle present. In other words, don't look at the cause of the problems, just deal with minimizing the effect, it's much easier that way....

Some of you may have read recently in the charedi press about the attempt - and apparent success - of chassidishe kehillos to implement "Chasunah Takanos." Apparently this started with the Rebbe of Satmar-KJ and spread to other Kehillos who felt that they now had the green light to follow suit - or didn't want to feel left out. The press is VERY excited about it; they see it as the great savior of all the money issues that plague all the segments of the frum community. No longer will Kolel families with 8-12 children have to struggle to pay everyday bills. No longer will little Yeruchem/Yoeli/Shlomie have to wait for a bicycle. No longer will little Shifra/Rifkie/Chanie have to wait for a new shabbos dress. No longer will Mrs. Greenberg, struggling with all kinds of pressures have to wait for whatever she's lacking. No sireee, Bob. The takanos are here to alleviate all that stress and heart plaque, and to gladden the hearts of all those little boys and girls...

In case you fail to see it here's my point. Most people I know fail to make ends met way before they get to marrying off their kids. They have real trouble paying their kids' tuition, camp and buying clothes for school and Yom Tov. They have a very difficult time paying for car repairs and utilities, dentist visits and Daled minim, a leak in the bathroom and an occasional suit for the man of the house. And that's people with two well-paying jobs and smaller families. Young couples who began working in their 20's and are college educated can have tens of thousands of dollars of unpaid debt by the time their kids are old enough to go to yeshivah gedolah and seminary. OK, so now you'll tell me that chassidishe girls don't go to seminary, and that their bachurim don't go to expensive yeshivos. Right. None of the "takanos" put forth by I'm sure very well-meaning Rabbonim and askonim deal with how to get to the point where you marry off your children!

Some of the takanos are quite amusing, really. It would be interesting to know who decided on the allowable amounts of money that can be spent on chosson/kallah presents and weddings and what formulas were used. I also find it interesting that they didn't go very far with the takanos at all, and if they REALLY wanted to help people out instead of patting themselves on the back they really could've taken this much further. Here are some examples: Why is $1200 dollars OK to spend on a shtraimel, and why is there no limit on what a girl's mother can spend on her sheitlach? on her outfits? on her wedding gown? which chassidishe man has this money sitting around in some bank account? Why did Satmar-KJ decide that it was OK to do away with diamond ring completely and allow only CZ, while the shtraimel stays? Why did the other chassidishe kehillos decide that CZ was not good enough but a treated diamond would suffice? I especially liked how they write that they took care of the issue by having a "seminar" with almost all 12th grade girls in Brooklyn, educating them and explaining to them how the diamond ring they hoped for their whole life, the ring that has been tradition for several millenia, must be sacrificed for the husband's fur hat. For them a fake rock will have to do....