Sunday, September 19, 2010
Painting By Zalman Kleinman, O"H
Maybe it's Chabad. They don't like when you get too in touch with your feelings. Maybe it's me; the fact that I am who I am. Maybe it's the fact that I was at the amud 80% of the day. After all; if the Ba'alTfilleh needs to inspire the Oylem who inspires the Ba'alTfilleh??? But the fact remains that YeimKipper was "eh." At least as far as what I felt, what I experienced. I realize a lot was happening that I may not have felt or realized, but looking back, when people ask me how it was, all I think about was how I did at the amud and how people liked it. I don't think how it changed me, how things will be different from now on, etc. Why is that? Why didn't I experience what the people in the painting experienced? I assume you'll say that I didn't prepare myself enough. I'll give you that. But what can be expected of a working man these days? I should've done more, no doubt about it, but was that all that was missing? Do all others who say they feel really do what it takes? I woke up very early on EYK morning, shlogged Kapores on a real rooster, Mikvah, nice seudah. Malkes, Mikveh, pretty decent Shemone Esrei at mincha. Drove to Brooklyn, had the seudah HaMafsekes and went to Mikveh again. By the time I was done it was time for Kol Nidrei. Where did I go wrong? Whatever.
נישט קיין עוה"ז און נישט קיין עוה"ב