Ever since I linked to that NYT article about the Chulent gatherings of the disenfranchised in Manhattan I've been accused of being insensitive, overreacting, and everything in between when it comes to accepting those that choose to live life outside the realm of Frum society. They tell me that I don't understand how difficult it is for some kids growing up in Boro Park, Williamsburg, and Crown Heights, who think differently than the mainstream and cannot voice their opinions. "This is their only avenue of getting what they have off their chest," they say, and you just don't get it. Believe me, I sure as heck can relate to that, I've been running from society my whole life, and in some ways I'm still running. I know and understand the need to get together with other like-minded people and just talk about nothing, I just wish I could find that group. Just going to the same Rebbe or Yeshivah doesn't mean you think alike, thus you may still be lacking that camaraderie you so desire, no matter which group you may join.
Many of the people who I see in the pictures there on Purim have ben abandoned by society; they've been forgotten by their peers who now have families, simply because those people have families and jobs to worry about. That leaves little time for old friends who still need to be hooked up, and those friends resent it. That's not to say that we can wipe our hands clean of our responsibility to these young men and women, but it's tough to be an employee, husband/wife, and father/mother, and at the same time still worry about old friends. Something's gotta give, and usually the friends are the ones left out. When you're in that kind of situation you aren't very understanding anymore, and you need to find companionship somewhere. Gatherings like these are the perfect solution.
Back to the Chulenters: We can see that society has failed these people; We just don't know if society's very upset about it. Most people you speak to will give you the built-in excuse that every society has such misfits that'll never fit in, and nothing we can do will stop it. If we're super nice they'll just say that we're insincere. If not, then we're just a bunch of no-good bums. Often times it's the family situation that causes these youngsters, and not so youngsters, to drop out, and they'll build a case against society for not being there for them. Every person I know that was featured in the NYT article falls into one of these few categories. It's that family support, and the strong foundation at home that keeps people, inquisitive and non-conformists as well, in check and in the fold. Were it not for strong, close-knit families the dropout rates would be exponentially greater.
15 comments:
"It's that family support, and the strong foundation at home that keeps people, inquisitive and non-conformists as well, in check and in the fold."
Wrong. Many people with family support, strong foundation at home etc., leave the fold. They often blend into secular society more seamlessly and confidently and are therefore not as visible.
Yes, obviously many do, but my point was that the vast majority don't.
I can go down the list of people that I see there that fit the bill, starting with the "Anarchist."
"I know and understand the need to get together with other like-minded people nothing, I just wish I could find that group. Just going to the same Rebbe or Yeshivah doesn't mean you think alike, thus you may still be lacking that camaraderie you so desire, no matter which group you may join."
Hirshil,you can always talk to me. LF
Are you referring to the vast majority of chulent attendees or the vast majority of people who leave the fold in general?
Yes, most of your post specified that you were speaking of the chulent community, but your last two statements (regarding strong homes keeping people in check) is still speculation. Intuitive speculation, I admit, because, in general, most people tend to conform to a positive cultural upbringing.
However, there is no empirical data, and one could also speculate that people with strong foundations have more internal resources and intellectual courage to leave if their explorations and convictions point them in that direction. And,again, these individuals will not be as visible and therefore assumed to be a much smaller minority than they actually are.
I meet more and more such individuals as time goes by.
I am also amazed that after so many years you are "The lonely man of faith".
Thanks, LF, for the offer, now if only talking to was so easy.....
Anonymous 2:07
And you might be whom?
Am I on the couch now?
Arora
obviously it would take much more intellectual fortitude and sheer guts to leave a strong community and family, and the reward would have to be really great. That's why so few do it, because they know that they'll need to come back, whether because they'll miss it, or out of necessity. Those times can be become mighty uncomfortable for someone who grew up doing things only because "Vos Vellen Mentchen Zoggen."
The sincere ones (not the stam grube yingeleit or those who really do need and can get medical help) of the Chulent crowd would probably do very well in a place like Bat Ayin or similar semi-communes in the Galil. They're looking for a perfect, or at least a highly spiritual, non-materialistic, non-conformist world.
It seems that just when I was getting sick of people blogging about Chulent, you end up writing a great post.
The last line of your post is true, across the board.
Why, Thank you Neil!
(compliments are always welcome here.)
;-)
radloh wrote a nice puff piece on Scotty :-). I just wish he would remember that there are two kinds of people that remain calm under fire: Psychos, and proffesionals. Which one do you think Scotty is?
I just wish we never dealt with these psychos in the first place. It seems like Chabad Houses attract these types in great numbers.
The problem is that the psychos then bite the hand that feeds them. Such is the case with the Failed One.
It's a fact that frum society has no framework for alte bochurim, divorcees, or bochurim that don't find their place in yeshiva.
does society have a debt to these people?
probably not. But it would be nice if some of the kiruv organisations decided to invest in kiruv kroivim before spending millions on kiruv rchoikim.
It would definitely give them a bigger return on a smaller investment
Bla Bla fishcakes. If you are just going to parrot the party line, be honest and quote your sources. Wake up to this fact: Frum society has no framework for anyone, other than Torah and Mitzvos. Frum society does not provide the marriad man with his parnoso, he has to find it. Frum society does not provide the married woman with household help, she has to find it. Frum society does not even provide you with a shidduch, you have to find it for yourself.
Torah and Mitzvos, obviously, are provided for the alte bochur, the divorcee, and the drop out, equal to everyone else.
This Kiruv Krovim, Kiruv Rechokim has to stop, or I will call for Kiruv Gedolim, or better yet, Kitun Gedolim. Neither the secular nor the frum are far, they are both Yidden, and a "kiruv" worker can work with either at their leisure.
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