"Asking for a Friend"

Watch Here

Scroll down to the 10:00pm slot. It's always a ton of fun.

Maybe one day they'll ask some real questions. For now they're catering to the Harries and Larries and their ballgames and sushi. First world problems with a Flatbush Jewish twist. Maybe one day Rabbi Brudny will cross the "dreaded" line and open a chassidishe sefer - not just a sterlized piece of Sfas Emes or Reb Tzadok, but like heavy chassidus. I think he's ripe for it. I think he really wants to but he needs a helping and guiding hand. His transformation these last few years has been quite remarkable; going from a rigid איש גבורה to a much kinder, gentler person who understands the difficulties that face Jewish youth today. Rabbi Elefant is another story for another time.

a few words from the Stutchiner Rebbe shlit"a that may change your life

Rabbi Lazer Yudkowski is a Rebbe of a different kind. In shul he פראוועס Rebbistive, mitten gantzen Dzikover/Ropshitzer knack, but in real life he saves Jewish lives. He does it by, you might say, lifting up those who have fallen. In a way that "פאסט נישט" for other people of much smaller stature. Here he tells us what kind of craziness people have in their heads and how he's working to change that mindset. How kids and adults that seem to be OTD (or XO) are suffering greatly every single day of their lives. He is introduced by Avi Fishoff.



Link to direct file

Good Reading and a picture for your Thursday (and maybe some thoughts on AIC93)

That's Agudath Israel Convention 93...

Rav Moshe Mordche Epstein and Rav AY Kook in NYC, 1924

Chabad's Oldest Outpost Lingers on in Casablanca 
Muslims and their OTD/Radicalization problem
A Pilot and Holocaust Survivors are Reunited in Brooklyn

The link to the WNYC program about Muslims and their radicalization problem was inspired by this year's convention, which seemed to put some emphasis on our OTD problem. After listening to speeches about Achdus and underpaid Rebbis, we heard lots of talk about OTD, which by the way, is now to be known as XO, for X-Orthodox. This according to Eli Fink. Muslims have the opposite OTD problem. Their youth is being radicalized online, and our youth is going the other way, often quite radically, as well. Especially if you saw yesterday's news...So what we need to do is show our presence online. By our presence I mean normal, frum Jews doing everyday stuff, peeling potatoes for kugel and on Chol haMoed trips, raking leaves and making snow malochim. Stuff normal people do. That'll keep our kids from eating from the forbidden fruit.  Seems like this is Agudah's will to be the solution to every problem pertaining to the frum community under the sun. Soon they'll be providing filtered internet and shoes for Pesach. G-d bless them, if they can do it, but it seems like they're stretching themselves way too thin here. Focusing on too many issues depletes manpower and money. Maybe if they focused on getting money for Yeshivos and busing, and little else they would do a better job at it. From the clipping in the Brooklyn Daily Eagle it seems like some things haven't changed. They did the same thing 90+ years at the 1st KG in Vienna. Except that back then there were no solutions, all you could tell them was that the gates of hell awaited them. I imagine they didn't bring Psychologists and mental health professional onto the dais back then, and didn't talk about hugging kids smoking on Shabbos either....

Gotta run...

זעלבסטמארד איז א רעזולטאט פון תורה און אמונה'לאזינקייט - Guest Post

Hirshel 

I see you are busy on some big project,  but in the meantime put this on for all the Suscher Katzes and Shulem Deens, they didn't invent the wheel of misfortune.

Poland in the 20's and 30's, when the OTD winds blew in to the charedi homes; suddenly the rash of suicides started. A unknown phenomenon. But they called it "a result of foresaking Torah and faith." They weren't mental health professionals, but that's what they were saying. 2015 is no different, the great organization Footsteps will not help these inflicted souls. Reading up on this issue I see that there is much disagreement about the achievements of Footsteps, some claim Footsteps does not deliver anything other than the 4 times a year party, while others say otherwise. I have no real opinion either way, just passing it along.

(the views and opinions expressed in the above post are those of the guest writer, and do not necessarily represent the views of the host of this blog.)

I learned today that R' Ysoscher Katz is also an opportunist

Otherwise it would make no sense for him to write an article about a girl he knew nothing about a day after her passing and blame an ENTIRE community for it. מילא all her supposed friends looking for revenge - we can expect that. But Rabbi Katz?! Could he not wait a week until the shiva was over? Could he not respect the obviously grieving parents who lost what seems to be one of two children? Parents who went out of their way to placate her current friends and thank them publicly for coming! Does this sound like parents who "shunned" her? And to compare his situation to hers is just absurd. The only reason I can think of for him to write such a piece is his need to either get his name in on the conversation, or worse, just stick it to the frummies who "shunned" him. Kind of like Eli Fink with a beard. I see now that he did not write the screaming, incriminating. The Forward people do that, as do all newspapers - write the title, that is. But wow, they sure are objective....

I am disappointed.

ר' יואלי ראטה ברענגט אריין אביסל "אמירה רכה" ביי אים אין ישיבה - COMPLETE VIDEO

Attorney and activist Mrs. Ruchie Freier takes time out her "azoy bizi" schedule and visits Rabbi Yoeli Roth's Yeshivah. The haters and those looking for controversy and/or reasons to hate seem to have found one. Vos heist! a woman speaking to bochurim?! What will they do next, have co-ed classes? Then those girls will put on tefillin, of course. You can tell from the body language, the twisting of the beard, that both Rabbi Roth and his colleague are a bit uncomfortable, but heck, so would I! But the lads sure seem to have enjoyed their minute with the lady!

The Radziminer approach to dealing with "at-risk" children (received via e-mail)

הרה"ק ר' אהרן מנחם מענדל גוטערמאן מראדזימין זצ"ל

Hirshel:

The issue of OTD = Off The Derech - kids is unfortunately a common discussion in many a household around town. Go back to yesterday's blog post if you doubt what we're saying. Or to last week's screaming match in a Meah Shearim shtiebel. No neighborhood, no chassidus, no kehila, no matter how insulated or isolated, no matter how high the walls or how many internet takonos,  is pure - did you hear the cries of the Lakewood Satmar dayan? He was clueless as to how to react to chilul shabbos in Lakewood by frum kids, he was just thinking about chiyuv to be mocheh. But he's an oldtimer, what more can we expect? The Monsey Rebbe's view is "out of sight out of mind. Just forget about them. He claims His grandfather the Ahavas Yisroel and his father had to deal with their own family members, and they did it the same way, ignoring them. It's a strange way to remember a zeide who passed away when he was 15, to remember his grandfather who was famous in the whole region for the big Ohev Yisroel in such a way ; sounds like selective memory. But maybe he's right?

In this sefer,written by the Rebbe Reb Mendele Radziminer, he writes that you should never ever give up on you son, do whatever it takes to keep him close, since his neshamah will one day hear the Kol Koreh for teshuva, like the Toldois Yankev Yosef says in the name of the Besht. Moreover, in a more "Rebbishe" way, what he says is that by the father putting all of his soul and energy here in Olem Hazeh into educating his son, that will wake up the Isaruso del'yalo of his father in Heaven, the father of rachmunis , to pity his soul and give him a ruach Tahara, and he will still become a lamdan and a tzadik. And I VOUCH for the father, says Reb Aron Mendel, that it will be so. This is a view that has to be publicized...

We do this to ourselves... We are our own worst enemies

"I'm was walking today afternoon in Jerusalem (in the religious neighborhood) and a guy came to me asking if I heard how they read the תורה today so I say no. So he told me its afternoon and they need 6 people who didn't hear today so they should be able to read again so I told him I have a few minutes I walk in the shul site down in the corner (I had my phone in my hand) after a minute a guy start screaming on me GO OUT FROM HERE we don't want people like you here. a other guy start throwing on me a box of cake (קיפעלך) and a bottle of coke then a chair in between the guy who called me in start fighting back... so they let me alone here is a video after the stopped fighting physical the guy who was throwing the stuff want out of the room when I started making the video. (He was like a 45 year old Israeli)
Chaim Meisels"

 See Here

This happened in נחלי אמונה שטיבל today.

L-rd, protect us from ourselves. People like that Toldot zealot  have no other way  - or know no other way - to defend their WOL. They're throwbacks to a different era. At least the older fellow is. All they know is yelling and screaming. The tide is turning, but tides takes a while to complete the turn. We know that yelling and screaming isn't the way, but that piece of news hasn't reached the back roads of Meah Shearim. And may Hashem bless that very brave young man who stood up to them.

They're lying about us again

  Yad VaShem photo 

 So now we have another liberated young girl telling us how awful life was in the frum community. And she's an "advocate" now too. And again it's the Forward that's so eager to publish her story. Correct me if you will, but in your opinion; is the Lakewood style of marriage considered "arranged?" Is going out 10-12 times for 4-6 hours at a time "forced?" If her marriage was abusive then she needs to get out, but why drag us all into this mess and make it the fault of her family and community that she fell in like that? How many countless times do we hear the exact same - and even much worse - stories with childhood sweethearts or couples that knew each other forever and married for "love?" And here she admits that there was never any physical abuse, only the threat thereof. How often do we see women of non-arranged marriages deteriorate into battered women? What happens to those who leave the fold that they cannot think rationally anymore and just make up stories like little children would? Again, I cannot speak about her situation with her husband as far as what happened behind closed doors, but I can and will speak about her ideas about marriage in our communities, and the idea that somehow we need to be "unchained!" How the Forward still maintains that it is non-biased and has "journalistic integrity" is beyond me. No matter how much they consult with Avi Shafran to get the "other side" of the story the damage is done. He just sounds like a defense lawyer who gets paid to defend the crook.

שווה קריאה

?האם כדאי לזרוק בחור מישיבה

"Andy Statman's search for G-d in music"

It's the man, not the beard (Guest Post)

Photo: Mary Margaret Chambliss

Matisyahu in his own words

Here’s to you, Matisyahu – L’chaim!

I don’t know much of the music – but I think “One Day” is as good a song as I’ve ever heard, and to a lesser degree, I liked a couple others that I happened to listen to – and I don’t even know the man at all. Like all “stars” who ascend and find success in the pop world, he quickly became a caricature in the minds of the masses as well as his fans or detractors. That world is a tough place, a roller-coaster of emotional peaks and valleys – it’s what they call “life in the fast lane,” and it’s not for the faint of heart. For all its attractive veneer of fame, fortune and achievement, it’s a life that few of us can relate to at all.

Among the realities that come with the territory, everything becomes amplified and placed under a microscope. It’s constantly and consistently open-season on the human being in question, as the non-stop judgmentalism of the folks keeping score at home and on the streets heave praise, scorn or indifference upon their subject without mercy. Ain’t life grand? Bastards and bloodsuckers is what we are, my friends. Not for nothing do many a famous star or starlet suffer either silently or publicly – oh, but you say, “they’re big boys and girls,” or “if you can’t take the heat stay of out the kitchen.” Ain’t you a sweetheart.

“Hey,” you respond, “they wanted the money, right? They wanted that fame, right? Well, they can’t have their cake and eat it to, you know.” Uh huh, you must be one of the compassionate types, eh? I don’t have a clue what the beard thing is about, and I don’t know much about the man other than the fact that he’s another human being trying to find his way. And that second point is, I believe, more than can be said for many of us. Most of the gutless pontificators and self-proclaimed know-it-alls (myself included), simply live life in the break-down lane, exchanging liberty and all of life's possibilities for the safety and security of following the rules of convention, “minding our rhyme and meter and going quietly about the business of achieving other ambitions.” So it is that most of us live those lives of “quiet desperation” that Thoreau spoke of, and throw stones at those who take the road less-traveled. So, I don’t know Matisyahu’s thoughts at all, but I do know what it means to feel alienated. I know what it means to feel imprisoned by my community or to be put in a box by others. I know that there are countless times that I would have loved to give ‘em all a big pie-in-the-face. How many of us wouldn’t have liked to kick convention to the curb and scream out, “I don’t want to be a part of you all?! I don’t want you to keep on defining me!” When will we give people room to live?

Matisyahu goes OTD...

"No More Chassidic reggae superstar"

I guess there is no life after Chabad... I suppose that living in that culture does have an effect, no matter what you have on your face or on the side of your head. This is not to attack the man, just observing and maybe using him as a case in point. In any case, we feel for Matis and hope that he finds his way back. Maybe if he was less cryptic in his messages we'd know where he's up to and not have to resort to guessing games.

What's in the Press These days

Ami Magazine, April 6, 2011 - The Impostors Among Us

I haven't read the whole thing yet, or really any of it, but based on a few of the "grabs" I can see that a ban on "Ami" is coming very soon.

Another take on "Farveinter Oygen"

A Response to Mayer Shimanowitz The Original Letter

Open letter to פארוויינטע אויגן (Parental Discretion Advised)

~ GUEST POST ~ Read This First If You Haven't Yet. The drama is on. His eyes are wide open; a Heimishe yingerman’s olfactory receptor cells have picked up tantalizing scents of fresh intellectual pasture. He’s crushing for the world’s encompassing embrace.It’s not only sights and scents he’s after – after all, our protagonist has already touched another woman; a female with an open face to the world. On the other side, the cast includes his three sweet children. They are innocent girls. Their mother and community will not allow them to have a secular father. They are at stake of losing the pillar responsible for their creation. The plot: Should he abscond on his commitment to his wife, abandon his children and cripple his parents, or remain in an intellectual prison, contemplating suicide, paying hefty fees to a psychiatrist on retainer. The audience weighs in: Katla commiserates with our Yingerman. He warns that freedom is achieved only through the pain of the slave’s loss of a tooth and an eye, and that is only coupled with the consequence of discovering that Chaveirim won’t help you make pork cholent. Forward thinking Chazanteh, wary of suicidal tendencies, prods her newfound immigrant to join a refugee acclimation center. And Meyer Shimanowitz? He’s watching the game, keeping to himself, a slight smile on his face. Meanwhile… IT’S THE SUPER BOWL. Emblazed with the image of their idol, revved up fans shout as their adrenal medulla rushes to fill demand – bulging heroes plow on to define their careers; coaches are tense, shrewd marketing investors are watching stock results. Cheerleaders wave bright red pompoms in the air. It’s the most viewed event in the world; the passion, hopes, and commercial interests are huge. Now zoom in with us onto one little corner: Among the myriads of spectators, Mom, Dad, Steve, and Sheila - your all-American family - are seated at the Super Bowl. Steve’s a true fan. He eats, sleeps and thinks football. His temples are throbbing as he pumps his fists in the air while wearing the new cap and authentic NFL jersey that his mother just bought him. Dad, though, has become a skeptic. He grew up a Super Bowl fanatic and even named Steve after the great quarterback Steve Young, back when he was the league MVP in 1992. But as his hair started thinning and knowledge robbed him of his innocence, he awoke one day to discover that his Santa Claus was a sham. He sees through the Super-Bowl scam: He researched the data and logically concluded that he had been duped. “No more bullfighting for me,” he thinks as he adjusts his sound blocking headphones and buries his nose into The Confessions by Augustine. Then there is Sheila, forever the analyzer – she just observes. She sits quietly and analyzes the entire spectacle. She marvels at the agility of the athletes; she laughs at the antics of the fans, the shrewd ridiculousness of the advertising, the psychological structure of American culture, the brilliance of technology. Sheila really enjoyed the game. Last, but not least, there is Mom. She has only one thing in mind: her loving family. She adjusts her husband’s headphones. She admires her daughter’s analysis of the best advertising. Her motherly hand embraces Steve’s defeated shoulders as they trudge through the littered parking lot, while she waves to her Super-Bowl mom companions: “Cheers. What a game!” 111 million viewed the Super Bowl 2011. The Fan, The Skeptic and The Observer all watched the same event, but their game is hardly the same. The fan experiences his identity and his ego winning or losing. Our skeptic feels entrapped, forced to watch this farce. The Observer sees philosophical metaphors, business strategies, psychological insights, architectural design, etc. They might all be sitting near each other cheering in the same arena, but their ball is in different parks. Now, if you thought the point of this metaphor was to highlight the achievement of being The Observer, you are wrong. The real winner of the shpiel is our NFL mom. Being the Observer is cool – it’s definitely better than being an angry skeptic – but no one comes out better than our mommy. She is might not be the astute Observer, but she knows the ultimate truth: that bonding with her family is the true intent of the game Both the fool and the wise man play the same game, the difference is the fool may win his game while the wise man definitely wins his. And the skeptic… he remains lonely. IT’S YOUR WEEKLY TISH. There are those at the tish, there are those threatened by the tish, and there are those who analyze it – enjoying the entire spectrum of experiences, all the while shuckling along or eating arbes in the background. And then there are the Sports Moms. Oifgeklerte Yingel, Do you appreciate the naked simplicity of the Dani tribe of New Guinea? Does your mind romp over the rolling Mennonite farmlands? Do you ponder the complexity of Free Will in a deterministic universe? Won’t you then appreciate the beautiful simplicity of the Fervent Hasid? Won’t you wander through the narrow alleys of our upper-class ghettoes? Won’t you apply your knowledge of the complexity of free-will to the Rosh Hakhuel and the Rebbe? And won’t you then bond - like the sports mom – to that higher power we call ‘God’ that evolved it all into being? It’s all in your mind. Will you be a foolish fan, an angry skeptic, an enlightened observer or a connected mother? It’s yours, and your decision alone to choose whose role you play. Gandhi lived and said “You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.” Farveinter! You grapple with your commitment to the institution of marriage – but have you ever confronted your commitment to your spouse as a person? That same lack of commitment will follow you wherever your scent will lead you. You question how you can harm your parents who have done you no evil – implying that if they had done evil you would be justified to repay evil with evil – yet you claim to have found compassion for all creeds and cultures. As the wisened coarse Russians would oft say: Vu men loift geyin di beitzim mit. Katla claims we are in a culture that no slave has ever escaped from. You can take the Jew out of exile but you cannot take exile out of the Jew.But herein lies our solution. The more you remove the exile within you, the more you discover you were never in exile in the first place. By definition every culture is made up of habits and rules – most of them are foolish – and no culture has escaped the scathing wrath of its skeptics. Wise people, however, focus not on escaping cultures, rather on learning the rules to succeed through them. Your plot pivots around a theme of love. The observers know that once you learn the rules for successful marriage there is a distinct edge that our Heimishe lifestyle affords. The romance that secular writers can only fantasize about is at your fingertips. Heimishe women are focused on only one lover, if you cultivate the love between yourselves carefully, the tender glow of its warmth will comfort you deeply. Farveinter: All your knowledge of the outside world is from tourist-like visits. Sure, it would be great to live in a travel agency brochure and the fantasy that it all projects. And indeed, maybe you can live it up to a point, but as you will reach the point where you attempt to adopt it as a lifestyle, you’ll discover that it was all a mirage – and worse, that you’ve reached the point of no return. You might choose to be vengeful and determined to prove that you’ve succeeded. You might even be able to strut around promoting your success for the rest of your life. But your genetic upbringing will allow you no closure. Closure will only come with the shut of a lid, and the sounds of thumping dirt on a coffin …buried deep in the Wild West. Ultimately the gold is under your very own oven. You are not alone. If you do your networking you’ll find us; we hide under the bridges, near the pots of gold we envisioned in our dreams. No matter what your struggles are, remember; the searchers and seekers of the great vast universe are awaiting to embrace you. Meyer Shimanowitz

"ליבע קען ברענען און ניט אויפהערן"

Blogger "KatleKanye" has been writing again, and it's something that maybe some of us can relate to... No, not me. I'm happily married, danken G-tt. There was a young Chasidishe Yungerman who wrote a letter to a column in the Yiddish language Forverts that they of course published for all to see. The column is called שאלות ותשובות בהלכות ליבע," and he apparently has a "leebe" question that he needs to ask of the Rov, er, Rebbetzin, er, Chazzan'te... He's married with 3 zeese techterlech, looks like he's a very frum yungerman, but he's really not. And now he realizes that he needs to cut ties with his wife and current life, because he's too open-minded and too truthful to live out his life as he is now. The problem as he sees it is twofold; 1) his kids will suffer growing up without a father, or with a stepfather, they should be so lucky. 2) he doesn't know how to go about meeting a new woman - does he do it as a frum yungerman, or does he do it like a man of the world? pressing questions, indeed, if ever there were such questions. Friends and acquaintances that he's spoken to have differing opinions as to what he should do - whether to stay or to go, and he says that the staus quo is "suicide," which worried the Chazzan'te to no end.

The advice disher-outer told him to go to Footsteps, Malkie Schwartz's (the ex-Lubavitcher) organization that supposedly helps young ex-chassidim get acclamated to general society. Which basically tells me how out of touch with frum society this Chazzante is. After all, if he's soooo open-minded I'm sure he knows of Footsteps. And besides, I doubt they can help him here, they usually help young kids who've been out on the streets, and claim that their lack of secular education is what's keeping him from succeeding. Out yungerman never mentioned his level of education, nor did he say whether or not he speaks English well. She's assuming that he's some dumb Hasid who needs help reading a street sign. Not very enlightened, if you ask me. Her, that is. I just don't get why he's kicking up such a fuss. Let him live like he is now. he may not know this, but he's not the only "intellectual out there." We all love the finer things in life, and most people just go through the motions anyway. One in a hundred is serious about Yiddishkeit and G-d. So why does he think that HE can't go on like this?! We should start a support group. he'd be shocked to find out how many of his contemporaries are just like him and managed just fine with a wife and kids - and grandkids - that shared not his "values."